Versions of Myself (People Change)

Monday, 23 June 2014

Now playing: Florence + The Machine - You've Got The Love

I was going through folders of old pictures and came across loads of pictures of myself (How conceited) and I figured that although they're all me, they're taken at different times of my life and I was in different situations and all that. They're versions of myself, some versions better than others, some parts have changed. For example, I was quite judgmental, now I'm a lot more open minded, and hopefully smarter (Haha). Here are a few pictures of me and I'll explain about each of them....

WARNING: It'll be selfie-heavy from this point on. Don't continue reading if you mind.





These pictures are from 2010, during World Cup. This is my younger, thinner, version of me. I was getting to know my then friend - now boyfriend. I looked happy, and I was. 2010 was my year, one of the best years of my life, I graduated high school, got into my dream university (which turned out not be so dreamy) after I worked & studied hard for one year (which I enjoyed so much because my friends and I supported each other, I LOVED studying, Math was my favorite subject), I was in a relationship with a decent man, I spent a lot of my time being around people who truly care about me (4 years later we're still best friends), I was enjoying life & I was content. I was in such great place & surrounded with great people. I did a lot of 'first's. I met him. I was so excited for life, and what life had in store for me. If there's a year I would come back to, it would be 2010. I felt invincible. Nothing could bring me down that year.



July and December 2011. It was a busy year, a beginning of a lot of things. I was given a lot of responsibilities and people in university believed in me. I turned some of them down and I'm sorry, I know I should've done better. They accepted me for who I am and they saw something in me. I was trusted to be a part of so many projects, I got to know a lot of people, and people knew who I was (I'm not saying I'm popular, it's just I'm a part of so many things at once, they all knew me in the end). I can't say I love this version of myself, I was angry a lot, which became something I carried with me throughout university. Weirdly enough, people were okay with that, they looked at the other side of me, not the angrier part, which somehow nurtured that anger, arrogance, and the overly emotional part of me. I thank them for believing and giving me chances to do so many things, though, if it was not because of them I wouldn't be able to do half the things I did. Every part of that year was a lesson.
I also started to grow more and more insecure about myself and how I looked. I started to look in the mirror not seeing something I liked. I didn't take pictures with short-sleeved shirts anymore, I only took pictures in a certain angle. I started to feel ugly a lot of times.



December 2012. I was already wearing headscarf to go out that year. But that night was one of the very few nights where I felt pretty and decided to take pictures. I love these pictures because you can tell I felt confident with myself, although with an over sized long-sleeved shirt. I loved how my skin looked, how my hair looked (It's good to say nice things about yourself every once in a while, try it). I didn't remember a lot of things about 2012. I think it was an okay year. It was less busy than 2011, but I was still given some responsibilities, some bigger than what I handled in 2011, I was one of the people who led a big project. That year it came to me that people actually listened to me, some of them saw me as someone to look up to, they saw something, they thought I was capable of handling being put in big positions, which I failed to understand. I was under a lot of pressure. I didn't stop being angry, though. Angriest chick of 2012. I also started to realize what I studied in university was not for me, I started to become really uncomfortable with how things work in university, I started to question if that was what I want, if they were the people I wanted to be associated with for the rest of my life, so yeah. My university friends are awesome, though. The 13 of us are still best friends now, and they're one of the best things that ever happened to me. Ever.


So there they are, 3 versions out of thousands other versions of me.
It's one hour til midnight. I don't think anyone will read this.

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