A Thing or Two About Relationships.

Tuesday, 8 December 2015

The more I grow up the more I realise that when it comes to relationships, nothing is ever black or white. Relationships are so tricky, and there are things that can be felt but never explained, which is why no matter what our opinion is of someone else's relationship, we can never know if it's really what's going on in the relationship.

Sometimes you listen to your friend telling you a part of their relationship for 10 minutes, and then you make up your mind about what their entire relationship is like. That's usually not the case; except if your friend is telling you their partner is physically, mentally, or verbally abusive, then that's exactly what the relationship is.

What I have learned from my endeavour until I decided to get married is that no relationship and nobody is perfect (duh, obviously) and it's up to you which imperfection you are willing to deal with for the rest of your lives. Being thankful takes you a long way.
What your ex has, your current beau may not have, and vice versa. I'm a romantic, and a very emotional person, but when it comes to choosing the relationship and the person I want to commit to I put my brain above my heart. I am a romantic, love songs turn my feelings upside down, I get drown in lyrics and movies, I get very detailed about every single thing and my husband is a complete opposite. Don't get me wrong, the first year of our relationship was our honeymoon phase, we experienced that. He used to work in a different city and he would get on a 3AM bus on a Sunday morning just to bring me breakfast and a single white rose, he was crazy, but we're not at that point anymore. The way he loves me is through working hard to fulfill our needs, through helping me reach my dreams, through spending most of his time with me (even before we're married, if he's not at work then he's with me) never through tender kisses or hugs, or intimate surprises, or everything else under the relationship goals hashtag on Tumblr. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I miss romance to the point of frustration. Sometimes I miss having someone sing with me with a guitar, but I realise it's not really what I need in order to have a good, safe, comfortable, secure, stable life. I choose to deal with that for the rest of my life, it's the imperfection that I'm willing to deal with. I have everything that any woman could possibly need, and I am so thankful for that. I am aware of the imperfection in my relationship, I'm okay with that, and I am happy. If it was a principle, or basic thing that my relationship is missing, then I would have chosen to leave it. I have everything I need, but sometimes I am missing something that I want. I hope you don't misunderstand me regarding this part.

The past makes things even trickier. I believe that everyone should be accepting of their partner's past, and that the past should be embraced. The past is a part of all of us anyways, no matter how hard we try to deny it. Every relationship is unique, and no matter how it ends, I always remember that once upon a time a person and I decided to commit to something and invest our time + emotion into that thing together. Once upon a time a person and I loved one another and made each other happy, it's something I will always appreciate, I won't treat it like it never happened. Except for this toxic relationship with a manipulative douchebag, then that one is merely a lesson and nothing more. If you have an unfinished business, I have learned the hard way that it's not something you can just throw under a rug. It will find its way back, even if it's years later. According to my experience, try to finish it if you can. When you are tempted because you miss a small part of what your ex was to you, remember that there's a reason why it did not work out, and why you chose to be in a relationship you are now. Of course you can move on with your life without leaving the baggage, but it's still going to weigh you down along the way.

Much love,
x

Btw, have you listened to Troye Sivan's Too Good? The production is insane and it's a beautiful song. The entire album is everything.


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